tiistai 22. toukokuuta 2018

o u r b e s t f r i e n d s l i e t o u s a n d w e l i e t o o u r s e l v e s ☽

eiks tällä pääse kaikkiin laitteisiin? :-D

So to hospital off I went yesterday. I think I have some kind of tendency to end up in emergency rooms quite often by looking the fact that I do not have any serious illnesses. 
I am lucky to live pretty near to the hospital so I can go to my ultimate f a v o r i t e place anytime I feel like it!
I am kidding, ofcourse (To those Kela ladies who read my blog :-D)
So off I went there, without wanting to because my experiences of Estonian hospitals are not very, well let's say comfortable. 
After trying to contact all my friends here and anybody didn't answer I just swallowed my pride and went alone.
But this time it was comforting.
They took me in because I was so much in pain, and the nicest lady cover me with blankets to the hospital bed.
I was crying, not because I was hurt, 
but because she was so nice to me and treated me in a loving way. 
Turns out- it was gladly nothing too serious got some antibiotics and continued my evening. 
I still think whether I was just hallucinating or were there actually so nice, angel nurse.
She made me feel so safe.

I have so much to talk with you!
There are atleast 4 blog posts coming which are F U N !
but today I felt like going a bit deeper.
By the way, it is so damn hot in Estonia currently.
Like tropical ibiza -hot, I mean.

I have my defence on next week and even thinking about it makes me really anxious.
If me and school had broken up, Id be so over it if you know what I mean.
There are loads of things that have been changing in me while the years go by and I wonder if other people are seeing those changes as well. 
None, that those things matters but it is pretty confusing feeling to see yourself change.
One of the changes is that I do not want to be alone anymore.
Look at me! the earlier oh so lonely wolf has become a social butterfly.
Before I needed my time to be alone and I was so bothered of other people.
Now I crave just people around me so much.
And they make me happy!
I am not kidding when I say I am earlier people hater :-D

Predicting future has always been obsession of mine.
But nowadays I just have gave it up. 
Because every single time that I have said ID NEVER DO THAT IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE
I have done.

People often speak about their regrets, you know the usual stuff.
I remember myself answering to the question whether I regret something or not always that I don't.
That's a lot of BS right there.
Ofcourse I regret.
I regret every evening and day I was consumed by the anxiety that drove me to loneliness.
I could do anything to take those years and months back, but I just can't.
But what I can do is to look in the future and make sure I live for the fullest.
And that is something I will do. 
Overall life is currently lovable. 
I am happier that I have been in a very long time.
But there is still something that is lost and I can not grasp it,
not sure which direct should I move now.

ps. I will write more posts soon. Funnier ones!