maanantai 22. tammikuuta 2018

☾ do we belong to eternity ☾


Thinking about soul journeys and afterlife can be pretty fascinating. With the right tools, it can be a bumby road to self-discovery. Not always a very gentle one, but yet fascinating. Crossing some boundaries you find yourself thinking that this shit is something I shouldn't been witnessing right now and it does not feel right. It can be an adventure to take; entertainment to bored mind or lost soul. It can give a lot and teach you to give something away too.

...or then it can be a disaster. Witnessing someone to scream from the bottom of their heart "If I could only turn back time I wish I never knew this all" Existential crisis on top. The thing is, that with this game you can not turn it back. Once you cross the oh - so - tiny line there is no coming back. 

Lately having enjoying my life more than ever, I found myself being less anxious than past six months. I haven't cried so little since I was born, I bet. 
Sometimes still, I can not help but wonder what happens after everything shuts down. 

However, always coming back to the same conclusion.
It really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if Musk is right and we are all living in a simulation. Well- yeah it is so trippy and makes me feel like a witch, but what can I do?

Do I really think that by contemplating what happens when my heart shuts down leads me somewhere? and what if I had the answers?
the beloved question in academic circles called "so what" remains.


I am stuck in this reality, whether it is my first time here or twenty-seventh.
And when my heart stops beating I can not take anything with me.
Not the proudest moment's of my life, nor my degrees.
Not every single moment when I didn't cut my hair to make someone else happier because "your hair looks thin and its bad for it in a long run"
I can not take any of my shoes, memories or even my coffee maker with me.

In addition to the fact that the last blouse does not have pockets,
neither it does have memory capacity.

so maybe it is time to stop feeling quilty about things I don't enjoy doing and start living.
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