maanantai 2. tammikuuta 2017

Twenty-and-sixteen lessons

twenty sixteen has been a teaching year for me. I learned why moon has the impact on the water how it does. How stars are interesting and moon is great.

If somebody had told me back in 2015 that the next year will be like this, I think I couldn't handle it. As the year didn't do the teaching job to me by smoothly guiding me to the right direction, but instead, smashing cold facts into my face like banging my head into the concrete.
Yep, so harsh it was.
Or at least it felt so.

In the middle of a hot wave I have had enough. I was putting me health in a danger for the sake of someone and it lead me even more deeper into problems.
As I have always been craving for the experiences I flew in the top of the troubles like a surfer on a wave. The only difference between me and that Australian surfer boy was that I had a day job and I wouldn't never ever do drugs.
Somewhere in the trouble buble everything was alright for me.
In one point, however, it was enough for me and I started to organize that bs that was going around.
and sadly but true, sometimes when you organize things, other things may get injured.
Or terminated, so to say.

As a result of the massive growth I lost someone. Rather long time, there has been a one and only one person who has seen me in my every colors. It is needless to say that I have really hard skin. I am a badass girl, but I also have my sensitive side.
The person saw it.
And that was kinda what was the ground for our thing.
Someone knew too much already.

I never thought that there would be such a moment when that person would let me down.
But eventually who does expect something like to happen to them.
I bet no one.
Back then I was so hurt and sad I didn't know how to put my hands.
When I was waiting for my toast to pop up I was holding tears.
When tv showed my favorite show I was holding back tears.
When I listened to music I was holding tears.
When I succeed in school I wanted to make a call. When I made something good happening in a business life I wanted to make a call.
And suddenly I couldn't.
Suddenly the -oh-so-cold heart was something else than freezing.

Losing someone so close is the worse thing that has happened to me.
Hands down.
Whether it is a close family member, loved pet, husband, loyal friend or grandma it hurts like shit.
Back then I cried (metaphorically of course you silly internet friend) my friends shoulder he just told me stop being pussy, and move on.

Even though I knew bravely that there is a reason why this happened, I still wondered.
I knew it was because better times are coming, and something needed to be cleaned away from something better, but it was back then harsh to believe.
But I worked those emotions like I have been teaching myself to do.
It was a long ass process but I finally made it.

Looking back to it now, I understand.
The things back then that felt like biggest dissapointents feels like great blessings today.
Sometimes when we keep people so close to us we turn our face away the things we don't want to see.
We don't want to hear.

Today I see and hear those things.
As I was explaining the whole situation I understood something myself.
The toxic was gone.
And so was the oh-so-hesitating-part-of-me gone too.
And then I understood that there really was a bigger plan behind this all.
As a part of those stars that we only are.

And why an earth I write about this?
Because look at me.
I am doing good and shit.
And so will you, when you face a situation similiar than this.

ps. 2017 has been the best already