maanantai 16. heinäkuuta 2018

b l o o d o n m y h a n d s , b u t I d o n ' t k n o w w h e r e i t ' s f r o m , o h

y o my dear interent f r i e n d s !
what's cooking good looking (like my friend still keeps saying me :-D).
My other friend texted me and said that the world needs Tara and I couldn't agree more XD

I am getting better! slowly but surely. I got more and more those good moments where my friend texts me how I feel and I can surely say better, than those ones where I cry a river over the phone while my friend calms me down in all the possible English words he knows. I still can not pronounce some things, which makes my friend laugh which makes me laugh and then the world is a bit better, shinier  place again for a moment.
Tomorrow my mother takes me to other doctor which has clinic a bit outside where I come from. I am dreaming after that getting myself into the train and come fix some things I let totally in middle in Tallinn ANNNND I am also super excited to arrive Tallinn because there are some cool things waiting for me.

I have tried to keep positive mindset today and it lifted my overall health majorly (surprise! for the girl who have six years spoken in her blog about the holy triangle of physical-social-mindset wellness :D my mom asked me yesterday if I am sure I graduated with MA papers because I was so dumb in that moment :D:D I am now questioning it myself). A couple of downfalls and loads of tears also was included in today's mindest, but then somethig clicked in my heart after crying and screaming my heart out,  I felt that radiating love is better option. whatahel man why would I get upset over things I can not change literally I am so dumb bish sometimes.
PLUSSSS It is summer.
It is literally the warmest summer that I can recall.
I can either stay home and feel sorry for myself or I go outside and do the things that make me happy and be arounded the people who make me feel better.
I can make those people day's who have made my days.
And oh sure I will.

So I choose to radiate.
I radiate love so freaking much that the d-vitamin I radiate outside will make me tan and cured.
I hope you all radiate with me!
ps. this song is L I T ! 🔥


sunnuntai 15. heinäkuuta 2018

my favorite choregraphies currently


never had a lot of friends, but you only need a few a place to come together and a couple cold brews so if you're in town then you gotta slide through

Yo my dear internet friends!
w a z z u p ?
I think past days I have been more confused about everything that I have been during my whole entire life :D:D:D:D:D:D
For instance, I watched footboll (yes, me :-D) and analyzed it with my friend,
I have played PUBG with random people,
I have trying to keep my D-vitamin levels up and listened loads of good songs.

I needed to take an emergency exit to Finland (I don't know how that happened, didn't really even wanted to come, but it turns out that maybe it was the only option) because I fell a bit sick. 
I caught a common cold, if you wish.

Sometimes taking an emergency exit is not the most comfortable, nor easiest thing to do but it has well sure shown me something that I never could expect. Currently, however I miss my friends and my home a lot in other country which I call home now.
I miss going drinks in steaming hot Tallinn
and I miss movie theater nights,
I miss how I can feel loved and cuddled by someone
and I miss my gym and dancing. 

I hope I can make the bad spell go away and get back to my biznez asap.
I love you all!
I hope you have a good weekend and here is some music mates to your barbeque parties! 


tiistai 10. heinäkuuta 2018

b e a t s 4 y o u 🥀

laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something

I could take to ease my mind slowly just have a drink and you'll feel better just take her home and you'll feel better keep telling me that it gets better does it ever?
I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious afraid to be alone again, I hate this I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh is there somebody who could Help me, it's like the walls are caving in sometimes I feel like giving up no medicine is strong enough
You got every pair but need somebody that could hold you 'cause you had a hole in your heart that the bags can't fill pain in your eyes that the cash can't heal wake up everyday waiting for it to be over
my heart can't take this damage and the way I feel, can't stand it


perjantai 6. heinäkuuta 2018

ei tuu kesää ilma käärmeit


On this week I visit with friend in one festival that is located in Tallinn. However, I just think I have became old (wise) because I was so early at home and I drank only half a cider!! what kind of festival is that? Well the truth is that I am still struggling a bit with my health so coming home and going to bed sounded so much more thrilling.

I have been lately listening a lot bassradio and I enjoy them sososo much! I don't know what to else to tell. I haven't been able to go to gym yet, and it breaks my heart a bit! But it is going to be alright, right.

I am currently drinking a bit redwine and I just woke up form a nap.
I had one of those sleep paralysis-slash-terrors again.
Someone whispered to my ear in very manly deep voice "cheater" two times :D:D:D:D
that ghost needs to chill the F down or I am going whisper to his ears those things as well.
it is on!! :-D

have a great weekend,


tiistai 3. heinäkuuta 2018

I S O L A T E D ☾

here is one really excited project. It is made by very talented Iljaaks Jonov photography
I pour my heart and soul out in this 7 minute piece.
So idk! enjoy!

𝓗𝓸𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓹𝓼 𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓽 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂


there are some random facts about me you may not know...

* I always carry toothbrush and toohpaste with me. Because bish gets often just need to clean the teeth idk.
* Every time I leave my apartment it needs to be clean. That is the reason I am always almost missing my buss
*It is V E R Y hard for me to be concentrated to one movie the whole time without looking into my social media. But if I have company I am all good
*I really really really like Emma Chamberlain and Tana Mongeau
* I am very problematic and I hear lot about it. I don't like hearing about it, but I am consicous about it
*I like clothes and unique styles a lot
*I think all the people are beautiful and I think everybody should know that themselves as well. 
*I don't get along people who are racist or judgemental.
*I am emotional hot mess most of the time (:-D)

lol idk.